fresh beginnings

Well, onto new things. After having my heart ripped out of my chest while still beating last summer, and then believing I was lucky enough to find someone else amazing for me this fall, I have severed myself yet again. Usually I like to leave loose or dangling ends but I have officially cut myself off from this person in order to save myself from more heartache.

Supposedly, my personality type (INFP) hates it when things are open-ended, so this is a first for me. And probably a healthy first! It's hard to think I'll never see him again, but I'm thinking that it will probably be the case. Now, to delete his Friendster connection with me or not? :) Eh. I haven't deleted the Friendster connection with my tenor ex-boyfriend (although I SHOULD) and I haven't deleted the Friendster connection with the guy who decided I was a complete whore and therefore didn't date me (needless to say, I wasn't a whore--he knew well before we dated that I hadn't even kissed anyone in 2 1/2 years but since I wanted him, apparently that made me a bigtime slut).

Next time, I think it would behoove me to find someone single. Is it possible? Perhaps. Just not in Champaign-Urbana. At least, not unless I want to date someone pretty young. Actually, that's not entirely true. I was mildly interested in someone (OK, so it was more along the lines of trying to get my mind off this guy from whom I just cut myself off) who is single and closer to my age and straight, but he apparently has a worse problem than I do with falling for completely unattainable people. :) And I'm way out of my element here (in the midwest), anyway, so I'm not terribly likely to find someone compatible. Plus I really only had eyes for this guy I'll never see again. Hopefully I'll be back on the East Coast in three months anyway, so why waste my time?

Shitty things always seem to happen all at once. I've been pretty sick for a week and a half. I had to miss Der Rosenkavalier with Susan Graham as a result (I'd bought the ticket back in September and I was so excited!). I've been down this week because I'm an overly sensitive freak and I feel like people in my program who did like me don't anymore because I don't get included in stuff any longer. Waah, waah. waah. That's what I get for being an introvert, I suppose. It also confuses people a lot--I SEEM to be such a party girl, but I'm not at all. When I'm on, I'm on--but most people have no idea how seldom that is (at least, during normal play hours--weekend nights).

Things will definitely be better soon, though. They always do get better. And, happily so far, New York Public has been calling my references. That's good, isn't it?